A journey of a dream-archeologist
This morning I awoke from a dream and its interpretation was so clear to me that I love to share with you all the process of interpreting this particular dream
and what its content taught me. The satisfaction I feel now reminds me of my
childhood, it’s the same feeling that arose whenever I would fit the last piece
of the beautiful “unesco”puzzle where it belonged.
My mind is at peace, like it is after a good cleansing of the house, everything placed at the right location , ready for new activities.
Prior to going to bed, I had read in Jacques Pressers novel called: Homo submersus. It’s a novel in diary form about hiding during WW2 very much based on his own
experiences, so much so that people pondered if it was fiction after all. (It is
a delicate mix of both, Presser insisted it to be seen as fiction.) The novel raised a lot of questions for me,
having to do with my own experiences with dreams on WW2, my thoughts on the
project I did with Ellen Gilbert where we very intensely explored my WW2 focus.
Reading the book is a pleasant experience (Presser writes exquisitely well) and
the events are so recognizable. Much in line with my own writings I did from the
perspective of my (possible) lifetime in that timeframe. But as often is the
case with these concepts that are not “provable” in the usual scientific way I
started to fret. Why can’t I just move on to lighter subjects? Why is it still
a topic so very present in my daily ponderings? Feeling embarrassed to look into all of this
yet again (I’ve read many books on the topic since becoming aware of those
dreams). I asked for a dream to help me with what to do with it all and I got
what I asked for!
I am amazed with the in-depth meaning that each aspect of the dream includes, the people, the items etc. and will describe the interpretations of these in minute detail in footnotes so that you
can see what I mean, risking to become this enthused scientist who is so
excited about her findings that she is overflowing the audience with too much
information. Ready? Here it comes:
Nostalgia
I have an appointment to meet with Irma at her house. She is a friend of mine and a teacher at the education of signlanguageinterpreting.[1]
As usual with appointments I, nervous to be late, arrived too early at her
doorstep. As I ring the doorbell I overhear her and her son having an argument
inside the house and regret having buzzed. I already felt uneasy about being so
early.[2]
Her son is always late, slowly doing his things in the morning no matter how early they rise. Her husband opens and he lets me in. I apologize for being too
early. Irma apologizes that she has this hectic moment and that we better make
a new appointment for another time when she returns from bringing her son to
school. I say: I can leave and then I call you for a new appointment? She
insist I stay and wait in her house however. She accompanies me to the
livingroom and says: “While you wait, you can watch a DVD”. She roams this
cabinet with DVD’s and other toys belonging to her son. She points out at the
Disney video’s and she says: “oh how I love those!”
I look at their covers and notice many of them are the less popular ones due to their somewhat grim stories or typical atmosphere, at least in the Netherlands: Junglebook, Robin Hood, the Lion king and
some others (Dumbo? Lady & the vagabond? ).[3]
I recall their content and think I think: hmm even though they are enjoyable, I actually enjoyed them in the past, I don’t
feel like watching them. I don’t feel like going into all these stories again. I
don’t feel like going on that whole rollercoaster of emotions. Luckily Irma rapidly makes another suggestion
also: “Or you can make puzzles from this puzzlebook.” She hands one to me saying: “They are very
enjoyable for adults too even though they are sometimes easy to solve.” [4]
I leaf through the booklet and decide that yes, that’s what I would love to do.
Then as Irma has left the building all of a sudden Irma has transformed in my old violin teacher, Margo. I used to attend
violinlessons at her own house privately for years and years and the husband in
the dream also transformed into Margo’s husband.[5]
The house also reflective of their “classic”style, very tidy, luxurious. It has
a different appearance however than their actual house.
I hear music, live, classical music in the background and walk towards it, walk through the kitchen to reach the room where the sound is coming from. As I walk
into the room I recognize with great enthusiasm Margo’s son, even though I
never knew him that well, I have warm feelings for him. He sits somewhere in
the room, playing his violin, laughing with friends, making music together, practicing.
All these people feel familiar, like old orchestra friends, they are not
however. They are all musicians, in their twenties and I feel very connected to
them. Even though we were never in exactly the same orchestra together, we
relate because we are the same “kind”of people, sharing interests, life
experiences etc.[6] There
is also a piano in the room (several?) and every guy (it were ALL men in the
dream)[7]
plays a string instrument of some kind. I see violins, cello’s and I feel the
intense longing to play again myself and wonder if they will allow me to play
briefly on one of their instruments.
I notice this viola laying on a desk. I recognize it as a viola immediately, being somewhat bigger than a violin. A young
man is seated next to it, the owner and I say: oh a viola! He looks at me
appreciating I recognized that it was a viola not a violin. I say: I played the
viola too but switched to cello. As I say this I notice that he also plays a
different instrument now, a cello as well. I walk over to the viola and as I am
about to ask him: “Can I play for a moment?”, I notice that its strings are
broken and some of its strings are missing even.
The young man smiles apologetic and I am reminded of dreams I’ve had in the past about broken strings, I think about it briefly and what it meant.[8]
I tell him that I’m trying to sell my viola but that so far it hasn’t work out
yet. I still have it in my possession. He hasn’t let go of his viola yet
either. [9]
I long to join these musicians in their practice. The man I just spoke to sits in front of the piano, not to play the piano but to transfer music written in the
violin-key (the G-key) to the cello-key (the F-key). I notice how they do it, writing
every note on a piece of paper, using the letter of the alphabet to indicate
each note at the places normally the black dots would be. I marvel at the speed
he knows where to place each letter, what letter is connected to what note and
its location. At the same time I realize that I have a quicker way to do this,
I say: it doesn’t work in all cases, not with the very high notes, but you can
just play these, read it the way you would read it would it be a cello but then
play one string higher. Just as I said this he realized the same, using his own
method. Both methods work, mine being easier/quicker, his being more time
consuming but also more precise. I regret that I never mastered his method
(yet).[10]
As I woke up the following sentence was in my mind, almost as credits at the
end of a movie: What are the things I long for, feel nostalgic about and how
can I give them a form and shape in this lifetime, the present?
[1] I am inside Irma’s house, Irma is a teacher at my school and she gives me the subject: interpreting for the deaf/blind. Interpreting is translating from one language to another and
she coincidently also has a sister who is specialized in giving workshops on
dreams and how to interpret them. Irma has a big interest in dreams as well and
we talk about them often. Because Irma is also a good friend of mine, this
dream also indicates to be friendly towards myself, to treat myself and my
dream interpreting skills as I would my good friend. Irma teaches me how to
translate from one state to the other. Interpreting for the deaf/blind has all
to do with feeling. With touching and being touched and through feeling
transport information from one language into another. With dreams it is not so
important what you see and hear…its far more important what you feel with it in
order to give a good translation. Very apt I would say and a skill I would love
to enhance even more for translating dreams, trusting my feelings, interpreting
those in a language I do understand.
[2] In the waking state it was exactly the same time as it was in my dream. Around 8 a clock in the morning.
[3] Even though it might not seem so logical, I did feel what this dreamdetail indicated immediatly. (the feeling aspect on interpreting dreams…) Those stories all have their grim
qualities and a foreign atmosphere, if I relate this to WW2 a lot of characters
in those Disney movies represent people who are in a muddy good/bad situation
and face choices, themes of repression are there too (for instance the way the monkeys operated in junglebook, the
hyana’s in the Lion King and how they were servents of “Scar”. Robin Hood being
much like the people who helped people to hide. Also in Pressers book the
stealing that was done to help the “poor”, to steal from those who have a lot
for a good cause. I can easily see many many parallels.
[4] I didn’t feel like watching those movies, or at least felt uneasy about the prospect of doing so, not unlike my feelings of uncomfortableness that arose digging into the WW2 theme again by reading
Pressers book. In this dream I get the chance and later on in the dream this
will become even clearer, to delve into the stories directly by choosing
to see movies on the theme but opt out doing so. I literally think: oh boy,
then I will have to deal with all these themes again, so directly. Do you all
recall how absorbed we can be watching movies? Totally getting into the
characters heads….. However Irma offers me another choice, another method. The
dream doesn’t end there…. I chose the puzzlebook option and the dream changes
direction. In a way I literally end up in the puzzle-book she hands me. I get
offered a dream with topics I’ve explored in the past (I’ve done similar
puzzles in the past), a dream I can easily interpret with its violin/viola/cello
theme. I’ve done them more often and because of that it is also very enjoyable,
not too challenging and it gives me the opportunity to feel confident and spend
my time in a pleasurable fashion.
I really feel that at this point in the dream where I could chose between watching the DVD (getting a peek along dream) or having more distance
solving a dreampuzzle in a more intellectual way. So that the choices in the
dream actually indicated the choices I had about the direction and form of the
dream itself. I strongly feel this was the case.
[5] This change of person is no coincidence either. Margo has taught me how to play the violin and the viola when I was younger. This violin/viola playing represents, and I know this
because of prior dreamexperiences and my path of interpreting those for years,
my prior (in my terms) lifetime during WW2. (It’s a puzzle I’ve done more often
in the past and I know the answers easily, yet enjoy exploring it in this safe
fashion). Margo also was the name of Anne Franks sister and whenever I read
that name I hear it the way its pronounced in Germany, easily getting me on the
WW2 association track so that I make that connection.
[6] All the musicians, reflect as it did in other dreams I have had in the past, my personal dreamlanguage, Jewish people. The same “kind”of people that I used to hang out with every Saturday.
This is also an important detail that keeps returning in my dreams, my
orchestra always rehearsed on Saturdays, the gatherings were always then, not
unlike in the Jewish religious traditions people gather in the synagogue on
Saturdays. Margo’s son seems to reflect the way presser introduces me to people
who had similar experiences as my Yosef. (My WW2 focus). I feel that in this dream I connected with
other musicians/other Jews who explored that same timeframe, not necessarily together
as in knowing one another personally, yet exploring the same kind of events.
[7] It being all men in the dream also reflects the way it was in the camps where all men and women were separated. But also more generally not war connected: in that timeframe men often had very
separated activities from the women, studied at “boy-schools”etc.) also joyous
activities off course.
[8] I’ve had many dreams with this detail, often it being my instrument that was broken beyond repair. One such dream in particular was very clear also about its meaning. (it was explained to
me inside that dream what its meaning was). The broken viola represents the
broken psyche, traumatized, beaten up by the events during the holocaust. (in
that particular dream my viola was broken by Germans etc.) I realize inside
this dream that this man has experienced similar trauma in that lifetime as I
did. I am consciously thinking this during my conversation with him.
[9] This dream indicates that both this man and myself are working on letting go of those events, letting go of the viola and focusing on our present lifetime (playing the cello. I actually
switched from the viola to the cello some years ago, starting a “new musical
life” in dreams the cello often represents my present lifetime as Emmy and the
viola/violin other lifetimes). We are in the process of letting go but so far
haven’t reached that point just yet, but are close. In the dream his viola is
clearly in sight, visible to us all and especially to me. I recognize my own
viola in his like I find lots of recognition in Pressers book. We can’t play
our old instruments any longer however and focus joyously on playing the
cello.
[10] This is very important in light of my question to have this dream in the first place: Clarity on the subject, how to translate the old into the new. How to “read” these impressions
of this other lifetime so that I can make actual music in my present lifetime.
How to translate from the violin-key to the cello? How to make practical use of
this information? This part of the dream indicates our search (both mine and
the man’s (Presser?) of a good method to translate our experiences of the past
(that lifetime that include WW2) in a beneficial useful way for our lives now.
As I woke up I got important advice: dear Emmy, explore that lifetime yes, see
what you miss, what you feel nostalgic about but DO translate it to your
present life. Take the effort to translate, how can you play the music of
insights of that timeframe with your present lifetime instrument. You have the
methods…Presser shows you another one. Both are still searching and it takes
time and effort, but you manage. That’s what the dream was saying to me and I
feel that this was a very helpful answer to my question.
